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inloveandwar

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(no subject) [Nov. 4th, 2007|04:10 pm]
inloveandwar
its like the big guy in the sky has it in for that thing throbbing in my chest. Im in love someone, who I cant be with, and probably will never be with. 2 hours distance between us, and insanly busy schedules. If you really love someone, or are falling in love with someone, shouldnt it be easy to make it work because you both want it bad enough. Im so up and down. One day I want to sacrifise things and be with him, and other days I want nothing to do with him. I know he wouldnt be willing ot make the sacrifise and that is why I shut him out. this weekend solidified my growing feelings for him, and it made shutting him out even harder. I wish he never came into my life. Now I know what having something right outside of your reach feels like.

my career and education are far more important than he is. But it hurts to have to shut him out of my mind and my heart. .
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(no subject) [Oct. 18th, 2007|10:03 am]
inloveandwar
tonight- Mstrkrft
Super excited. Big fan, and I get to spin before they do. It should be pretty insance tonight.

Im such a fickle person right now. I really enjoy my independence and my single life. It has been so refreshing, liberating, and fun, but I get around him and I just want to soak him in, and be around him all the time. Then I spend a few days apart from him, and I begin to like it, ugh. I dont think im ready to give up being single yet. Its to much fun, and Im really getting to know myself. He's pretty awesome, but i dont think anyone is awesome enough right now, to give up having all the time in the world for myself.

Is this wierd? I feel like it might be. But Im 21 and this is the first time ive been single since 16. The idea of being locked down repulses me, but im in love with him. Wierd

Anyway sunday is coming out day. Im really excited. Even though Im not gay I really love the fact that this day exhists. Its not just a day to celebrate being gay, and being honest about it, to me it signifies being honest with yourself, and fighting the dominant discourse, in order to enjoy your life. Even though this day is for the gays, and I respect that, I have found a way to interpret it so that I can enjoy the day as well. Ill be there on sunday celebrating being honest with myself about who I am, and celebrating being comfortable in my own skin. Of course I'll bring my gay man. Should be a fun day.
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Hi lj [Oct. 4th, 2007|11:23 am]
inloveandwar
When I was a junior in highschool, I started this live journal. For years i would make entries and check other peoples entries almost everday. This would be the first time in 7 months that I have even types livejournal.com into my adress bar. Life has been great since my last post. Hectic, stressful, hard, educational, intense, and successful are just a few words that some up my life lately. 1st. School is almost over for me. I am in the middle of finishing my SR. year at UCF. I am all to excited to get up out of here, and start searching who I really am. I feel like I have no time between work, school and djing, to have time for Anita searching. So far my GPA is pretty solid, but I dont even think I am going to coninue my education right after undergrads. I have decided to take a year off and persue other aspirations that I have dreamt of for so long, that I couldnt even think about because of my very intense school schdule. A b.s in psychology is not easy, and really, it isnt fun at all either. 2nd. My wonderful Justin. Three years of love, heart ache, passion, and friendship. If i could sum up our relationship I would say, educational. Justin and I decided to end our relationship in july. We were so in love for two years, and then something happened... we started to grow up. We were both 18 or 19 when we met, and for us at that age, there was nothing but time, and love to share. As both of us started to get jobs, and figure out who we wanted to be and where we wanted to be in life, our relationship became a friendship. A support system. Which conflicted with the rules of a romance. The romance sort of ceased to exist. It was strickly a really good friendship and nothing else. We grew bored of eachother romantically, and it put stress on us mentally. So we eneded it. It was a very positive experience. I learned so much about myself through justin. SO MUCH. He helped me through the hardest times of college and my youth. He helped me through sickness and health. He showed me unconditional love, and he showed me a true friendship. I learned how i act with other people. I learned what i liked about people and what I dont like about people through dating justin. We were practically brother and sister, and that wasnt healthy for a romatic relationship. So we both moved on, and have never been happier with one another as friends. We are very close still, and I love talking to him every chance I get. Not to mention we still dj together three times a week, and it works so much better. We never fight with oneanother. We never faught until the last year. From then on it was fighting every day. Not phsycially but mentally taxing fighting. I love justin, always will. 3rd. I have met a new person. He is beautiful, brilliant, and talented. Things are very new. We met almost a year ago. Nothing came from meeting. I just thought he was very attractive and full of life. that was something I starved for while with Justin, life. Anyway, he has a lot of life in him. He is very exciting, and full of energy. He is everything I look for in a good person. I hope things work out. I have problems comparing my new relationship with my old one. I have problems comparing him with justin. Not because eaither of them are better or worse than the other, but because I have had 0 window of being single and my past relationship habbits are still embedded in me. I am trying very hard to work with this problem. He also happens to live in ybor. I see him once a week, and that is very hard for us. I am falling in love with him, and it makes me very insecure. I feel uneasy when I am single, or dating somone new. I am so scared of being hurt, that I fuck up, and runaway. I am trying desperately not to do that with him, because he has expresseed very strong feelings, and I dont want to hurt him just as I dont want to get hurt. He makes me smile and he makes me feel safe which is really important. My mother thinks he;s the one. I dont know why she jumps to those conclusions, but if he were the one, it would be nice. But i am still only 21. I wasnt looking for a relationship at all. After Justin and i broke up I decided that I didnt want anything thing to do with a relationship, and then I met someone who blew me away, and I couldnt resist. 4th. My djing has been a very prominant part of my life. I started djing a new party in tampa, its called PULP the party. So that makes it so bodywerx has three residencies. Ive been practising a lot, and i really want to start making remixes and such. I am very happy that I have actually found something that I am very passionate about, and love doing. Im not to bad at it either. I have a lot of work to do. I just recently recorded a mix, and I posted it online. www.myspace.com/bodywerx. I hope in the next couple years ill make a lot of improvements and hopefully succeed. 5th. I moved into a new house!!! Mike, tin tin , and I are all living on Oregon, which is close to downtown.

thats pretty much it
sorry theres so much. I havnt updated in forever
and if you dont like it, dont read it
im an open book, and I like to keep it that way. So yea, I got nothing to hide.
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Last night. [Feb. 23rd, 2007|12:59 pm]
inloveandwar
Mission: escape studying for the midterms for a few hours, get completely trashed, and roudy, dance to an amazing dj, and go home with some PYT's (pretty young things...you know The michael jacksong song!) and get more roudy, and each cheese sandwiches in my peejays, and watch Hayley give a strip show. 

Accomplished!

last night= best night at firestone thus far. I think I might try this not deejaying thing more often. It kinda rules sometimes. 

Did I mention that I have the sexiest friends ever!! All of you bitches are hot. Well with the exception of a few people.

Edit: Somone (who is supposed to be my friend) stuck his sweaty ass fingers in my underwear while we were dancing. I was first and formost mortified. It kinda made me mad, and disgusted, and I dont know what to do about that. I for one thing am not telling my boyfriend, for he would certainly beat the living shit out of him. Ewwwwwwwwwww. I think he did the same thing to my girl Jenna. Yuckies. 

Today: School, lunch with tin and hayley, work, BBQ bar if my wallet allows!
Tommarow night : Fucking Pirate dinner show for Mikey;s Birfffdayy!
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life is insanity! [Feb. 21st, 2007|09:19 pm]
inloveandwar
work, school, work, school, work, school, fun, school, school schoolsschooolschool... Ive gotten lost in my schedual. I leave one obligation, and turn into the next one. Lately I have felt like I cant breath. That all I do is work. I finally bit the bullet and gave my shift away today. I thought that it would be glorious. I would have all this time to myself. To clean house, study, and read. Do the things I used to do when I didnt have my life completely booked. I fucking hate it. I am so bored, restless, looking for a reason to escape my house, and waste money on something stupid. Am I a work aholic?  Why cant I just relax. All I want to do is go go go go go go. I can never just chill the fuck out! See look! I have not updated my lj in almost a year, and I am here typing. Doing something. When I could be laying on my couch relaxing.. I went and looked for something to do with my time. The time I barely have. I should be studying, but that hurts my head, because Ive worked my self sick, I have an ear infection, and a head cold. Monday night was madness. At work : 10 drinks in, 1 oxycotten down. I was completely out of control. I think I hate myself for monday. I told my significant other that I hated him, and that I wanted to make out with someone else, and then I hugged him, and cryed, and then i proceeded to dump my drink out on his head. SO EMBARRASING.  Justin told me that I was doing all of those things, and I felt terrible. No more of that.

Ive been so busy with work, I have also neglected my school work. I have successfully failed two exams, and missed two project meetings. I have to find my priorities.
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(no subject) [Dec. 11th, 2006|05:00 pm]
inloveandwar

you guys best come to Crush tonight!!

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(no subject) [Oct. 22nd, 2006|12:59 am]
inloveandwar
My cat beep recently gave birth to 4 kittens. Three have homes, and I have one left. He's about 8 weeks old. I am not asking for money, just a good home for this little guy. If you are interested. Please let me know. I live in the UCF area. I prefer that respondants be able and willing to give this guy a good home. He Is half persian half main coon. 
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(no subject) [Oct. 19th, 2006|05:24 pm]
inloveandwar

Everyone gets in FREE ALL NIGHT this Thursday only!


Now, with all three rooms. All the bars are open! (No waiting for drinks!) Killer drink specials and a room for every taste!

Hi Everyone,

Thanks for the hugely awesome turnout for Girl Talk on Thursday. Our mission at S/T is to provide real alternatives to the Orlando club scene and bring acts that would usually skip Florida (let alone Orlando) in to see how awesome Orlando has and is becoming. Keep coming out and supporting and we'll keep bringing the bets up and coming artists of our time right to your doorstep. Not to mention the killer drink specials and great music all night. Read below to find out some of the new features we've added to the club this week.















Saturday/Thursday
indie.electro.dance.hiphop.eclectic.etc.
Every Thursday @ Firestone
Doors@10 /// 18+ /// FREE ALL NIGHT (this thursday only)


Upstairs: Eclectic, Hiphop, Electro and Rock
Residents: Kittybat, Mott, Diddles and Spear


The Den: Hiphop and Dance
DJ Y-Not + Guests


The Main Floor: indie.dance.elektro and rock
DJ Pauly CRSH, Bodywerx, Capt'n Awesome and special guests monthly.



FREE STELLA TILL THE KEG FLOATS
LATE NIGHT HAPPY HOUR (2 4 1s from 1am to 2am)
+++ NIGHTLY SPECIALS



SATURDAY/THURSDAY
www.saturdaythursday.com
http://myspace.com/firestonethursday
The Club at Firestone
578 N. Orange. Ave
Orlando, FL 32801
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Crush Orlando Tonight!! [Oct. 16th, 2006|04:24 pm]
inloveandwar
 
THIS WEEK AT CRUSH

The DARKEL (members of AIR) RELEASE PARTY with the infamous FREE KEG OF MHL.

Darkel (JP Dunkel - AIR Frontman)...


...just released one of the most groundbreaking solo projects we have ever heard. It has all the fixens of an AIR album but somehow (as if AIR wasn't out of the box enough) Dunkel manages to deliver a completely unique sounding record. It's not quite AIR. It's not Phoenix. It's Darkel. I've only been able to listen to this double LP up to track two because I keep playing one and two over and over. I love this record. I'll be spinning this record right as the doors open. There are a few copies to give away and posters and such. Totally worth a purchase though. Trust me on this one. -paul
For more information:

http://www.myspace.com/misterdarkel
Darkel Logo


GET ON THE CRUSH GUESTLIST FOR THIS MONDAY:::CLICK HERE



CRUSH is Every MONDAY @ BackBooth
37 w. pine street, dwntwn Orlando, FL 32801
indie.electropop.eclectic.dance
Doors@10///18+///$3 or get on the list



Shout outs: Thanks to our friends at The Musebox, astralwerks, universal, virgin, park ave. lazy moon and scion.
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roomate needed [Sep. 6th, 2006|07:14 pm]
inloveandwar
Two females looking for a third roomate in cute and cozy duplex across the street from UCF
$316 a month! cheap utilities! Must love pets!

Anyone interested! lemme know!
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